Letting Go & Moving On

November 21, 2014

We've all been there: failed friendships, tragic breakups.  Sometimes relationships aren't meant to work out.  In the wise words of my mom: "People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."

This statement, while poetic, is not always easy to accept.  It can be heartbreaking to lose someone you are close to after a falling out or a dispute.  I have suffered a few of these losses in my life, but only recently have I been able to say that I have allowed myself to let go and move on.

My senior year of high school, I had a pretty big fight with two of my closest friends.  Long story short, our four year friendship ended badly and bitterly.  I went through a variety of confusing stages before finally reaching where I am now.

At first, I felt betrayed, angry and most of all, hurt.  I couldn't believe what had happened, nor did I want to accept it.  Out of defense, I let my emotions get the best of me, leading me to say things I didn't mean, many of which caused me a tremendous sense of guilt and regret in the months following.

The summer came and went, and all the while, I felt lonely and still very upset by everything that went down.  I lost sleep over the situation and often felt nauseous at the thought of the whole thing. With much self-reflection and advice from other friends and family members, and after exchanging heartfelt apology notes and good wishes with these former friends, I can finally say I am at peace. 

If you had told me I'd be writing this post when the fight first happened, I would deny it.   I didn't ever want to be content with the way things ended because, competitive person I am, I felt as though accepting the outcome would mean I lost the battle.  However, I can now tell you after going through various emotional stages in the past five months, that when you open yourself up to forgiveness and moving on, you'll be overwhelmed by the sense of calm you feel.

To clarify, I don't think we will ever be friends again. Depressing as this may sound,  I have learned that the end of a friendship is not always a bad thing. These girls were in my life for a reason but our friendship unfortunately evolved into one that was toxic and would no longer serve a good purpose in my life in its current stage.

I am a living example of the fact that, as sad and confusing as losing a friend (or even a boyfriend) can be, things will become clear in time. I am so beyond thankful for the good memories I have with these high school friends and all the positives we contributed to each others' lives, but I am confident in my decision to let them go. Maybe one day we'll meet for lunch and laugh the same way we did as giddy girls at a Sweet Sixteen, but for now, I am content with saying that I am letting go and moving on...and it couldn't feel anymore refreshing.

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